


The Flesh Reflects The Madness Within

by Reichenbutter



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Child Abuse, Closeted Sirius, Depression, Descending into depression, Mental Illness, Multi, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sirius is the only gay one in this entire plot, multiple chapters coming, past relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-27
Updated: 2017-06-27
Packaged: 2018-11-19 21:33:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11322168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reichenbutter/pseuds/Reichenbutter
Summary: Sirius Black is imprisoned in his childhood home where he experiences years of abuse. He is growing tired and frequently reminiscing on the past. With his Godson being the spitting image of his past love, it is proving a challenge to his deteriorating mental state.





	The Flesh Reflects The Madness Within

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there! Thanks for stopping in! This is the first of many chapters to come! Enjoy!

It is said if one is to corner a wounded animal, they have the potential to bare their teeth or even try to bite-   
People are much the same. 

 

“And today, this very day marks the anniversary of when the Dark Lord was vanquished  
from our world, though not without a heart wrenching loss. Today also marks the day the notorious serial killer Sirius Black betrayed his friends James and Lily Potter… Getting them killed by none other than the Dark lord himself in an attempt to slay their infant son, Harry. This alone, was not sinister enough for Black. He then sought out someone else who considered himself a dear friend of his: Peter Pettigrew. Black was reported to have been manic just before he cast the Blasting Curse, Confringo, not only killing his ‘friend’, but twelve muggles in the process.”

 

Sirius held a deathly grim stare to the wall as the ancient radio spewed its incriminating lies. It was always the same story told for years. Fourteen years they would broadcast the the same half-hearted script without fail and Sirius was forced to relive the trauma. Soon enough the radio had just become static as he fell into a trance. 

A sudden sick feeling fell over him; an instinctual omen. He was specifically told to stay away for their safety, but he simply couldn’t. He grabbed his keys, not bothering to grab a jacket. He went as quickly as his beloved bike could carry him, remaining stone faced. As he arrived his vision began to blur. The jack-o-lanterns that they all carved together were dim, the string lights were dim… The front door was cracked open. Sirius could hardly step forward, as if there was lead in his boots. The door swung open with an oncoming breeze, the rickety creak sent a chill up his spine. “James..?” he found himself unable to speak, his voice simply cracked just as the door did. With each weighted step the floor creaked underneath him. Something was wrong, the house was never this quiet. Never without laughter or music or little Harry burbling. He glanced around, looking for any sign of what might have happened-  
And then he saw him. James… No… No. Sirius fell to his knees at his side, running trembling fingers over his still face. He was still warm, his jaw bristled with stubble.   
“James- Please- Please James-” 

“Sirius,” Remus spoke up, snapping him out of his fixated state. He leaned over and flicked the radio off. Sirius blinked a few times, taking a steady breath in. “That’s enough of that… Join the rest of us for dinner?”. Sirius exhaled and shook his head. “I’ve lost my appetite.” Truthfully, he hadn’t eaten in a few days now. “Harry is worried about you,” Remus knew that Sirius would do anything for Harry. For Merlin’s sake he hid out in a cave eating rats just so he could be there for him. Just as he anticipated, Sirius stood with as series of pops and a light groan before heading towards the kitchen. “Sirius-” Remus placed a gentle hand on his shoulder before he got to the dining room. “I miss them too.” he sighed, lightly rubbing his shoulder in an attempt to comfort him.   
“I miss him.” Sirius’ tone was cold, bitter. Once Sirius ran away from home he never expected to be trapped in the same hell-hole he endured years of abuse again. Remus took his hand away and shut his eyes. “Oh Sirius…” Only Remus knew where his true pain stemmed from. He knew the reason he ached worse than anyone who had known them- James… He was the one that Sirius came to over and over again.  
In their fourth year when he finally told Remus and Remus alone that he never fancied women. In their fifth in tears because James went on one of his endless rants how he just couldn’t ever see himself with a bloke. In their sixth year half dressed, hair a mess, and still buzzed off firewhiskey when he told Remus he had too much to drink and wanted a shag he would never remember, calling him Lily the entirety of it. At the end of their seventh when James proposed to her…  
Lily Evans the girl that could give him the world.   
Harry’s head rose when he saw Sirius come in. Sirius gave him a tired, but handsome smile. He had mastered the art all parents pick up on how to keep their children from seeing their pain. He sat down in the empty seat next to him and lightly rubbed his back “How are you holding up?” he kept his voice lower than the others so they could talk a bit more freely. Harry shrugged his shoulders and sighed “Been better… Everyone is talking about Mum and Dad…” Sirius sympathized with the pain he was feeling. “They all have something different to say it’s like none of them actually knew who they were.” Harry sunk down in his seat. Sirius kept his arm rested behind him. “I’ll tell you what, after dinner i’ll tell you a few stories about when we were lads.” Sirius offered. Harry turned to him and got a rather boyish grin on his face “Yeah?” Sirius was the only one that really knew how to lift his spirits anymore. “I’ll tell you about the time when the two of us snuck out into the forest and he got poison oak on his-”

“Ahem.” Molly cleared her throat. “Would you boys prefer to leave the table to talk?” she had a short temper when it came to Sirius. He was reckless and she didn’t want recklessness around her Harry.  
“Molly you never fail to read my mind dear.” Sirius looked at Harry and gave him a subtle wink. “Dinner was marvelous, come now Harry.” he stood up, lightly pulling his vest down.   
“You didn’t eat anything!” she huffed, crossing her short arms over her chest. Harry stood up, feeling exceedingly naughty for doing so. He slowly took a step away and then followed Sirius with a nervous grin. “Poison oak on his what?” he whispered as he trailed behind him down the hall. “All over his arse and-” he spun around to wiggle his brows at him. Harry sucked in a sharp breath, expression warping with sympathetic pain. “The night before a quidditch match.” he chuckled lightly. “Oh God- Surely there was a potion- a tonic?” he asked, picking up his steps so they were next to each other. “Oh dozens, but Harry, my dear, you father simply had too much pride to get it taken care of by the nurse.” Harry hissed, shutting his eyes tight. “Oh my God- No-”  
“Oh yes. See I wasn’t on the team, but I was the commentator. I’ll never forget the faces he made trying to straddle that damn broom.”. Harry let out a sudden laugh. It warmed Sirius’ heart to hear him laugh again… The boy didn’t laugh nearly enough. “Why did he have poison oak on his.. Y’know.. Anyways?” Harry asked as they walked into one of the smaller nooks of the house. All that was there was a few chairs and a book shelf. “Why else, but alcohol?” he chuckled. “Firewhiskey makes you do terrible things, Harry… For example- stripping naked in hopes of flashing a centaur.”  
Harry covered his mouth as he laughed even harder. “You’re the only one that tells me about this side of him.” he said.  
“This side? Oh my dear boy this was just an average Tuesday night for the two of us.” Sirius hated how they kept Harry sheltered from how his father behaved. They wanted him to turn out ‘Better’ than James. Bah.  
“Really?” Harry’s eyes got wide with wonder.   
“Mmhm… The two of us were always getting our arses into troubles- and James, well.. As you heard he took that quite literally.” Sirius leaned back and offered an easy smile. He spent their evening telling Harry all sorts of wild stories. For a moment he was able to forget and just live in the past like nothing ever happened.. It was refreshing. 

“You’re so much like him, Harry. More than you know.” Sirius sounded so… sad in that moment.  
Harry furrowed his brows, a small frown appearing. “Sirius?”   
“My apologies… I just miss the times we had together.” he rubbed at his face and forced himself to smile at Harry. “I have you now, that’s all that matters.” 

“I could strip naked and run through the forest.” he suggested with a light shrug.  
Sirius snorted in response to that. “Absolutely not you little devil- Get to bed, it’s half past two.” he stood up and lightly ruffled his hair. 

“We have a busy morning ahead of us.”


End file.
